There’s no greater misfortune than unrequited longing. To have your heart stammer in your chest with directionless words and immensurable want. To feel so limited in sourcing your illimitable love. To have so much to give and no takers. There is no greater sorrow than feeling lonely in crowds. Hearing words spoken to you but…
Category: blog
Unusual |8 January 2022|11:11
Strange life, this one. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Is it healthy longing for self awareness or vain attempts at self importance that one of the most recurring subjects in my life is this three word question: ‘who am I?’ Usually I have a fair idea. Not a perfect one but it…
starved (or so) |
The world committed a crime. One it’ll never itself admit to having orchestrated. ( One I don’t think it intended to carry out but did) It did the folly of convincing me I was stupid for wanting love. It made me believe love was a conjucture for the young and foolhardy. It told me It…
Slow Trudge | 13 April ’22
Lazy mid-night, matted hair, tussled in an unruly bun right on the top of my head, haven’t had a dream in a long time. I am sitting on my bed, legs folded, back hunched, bangs obstructing my vision and tendrils of hair escaping without notice. Ideas surround me like a hurricane. My eyes hurt but…
Compromise | 6 Feb’22
I met a man. He had the face of my dreams. When he talked , I could hear words that were, until now, said only in my imagination. He had the same curves and symmetries I had always envisioned.He was handsome is silent ways, his face a rough sketch of delicate lines. Lines that looked…
Obligation | 1 Feb’22
These buildings hide generations worth of woes, the streets trampled under the heavy feets of dejected dreams and unfulfilled wishes. The sky dark with the last fumes of flames distinguished long before they could be called fires. Our hearts are no more hearts than empty guestrooms. Living someone else’s life as our own.Wherever we go,…
TWENTY| 29 JAN’22
Every year around this time, I write myself a letter, every year it’s more to the past then to the future. But this time around, I don’t want to look back. I want to keep nineteen at an arms length and forget it exists anymore than foreign air.Now, twenty in itself isn’t anything but a…
CLOSURE| 23 JAN’22
Burned all the bridges, severed all the ties. The roads have flooded and our vessel has a hole. Now I float above the abyss. The worlds gone quiet. You are next to me, looking away. Yet and still. You won’t speak and you can’t hear. Air: heavy as tar. Trees like skeletons portruding from the…
Hello 2022 |
My own ignorance surprises me at times. How is it, that I knew the world at sixteen and nothing at twenty (well, almost twenty)? How is it that I dream less often, think more, care much less yet way more?I sit with things.I don’t will them away, write them away, sing them away, sleep them…
12 NOVEMBER 2021| A song without words.
I think long and hard about the particularities of joy. The paradigm shifts, things change and its always the same old spiel. But yesterday, as I stood in a queue at a local outlet, lined behind three others waiting in turn for the checkout counter, there stood an old man right behind me. The place…
04-11-2021 |ORISON
Last night as we sat down to pray, I couldn’t see god around. Maybe he was hiding in the seams of the rugged mats beneath us, or maybe he was hiding around the curvature of holy beads and flickering flames and maybe, just maybe, he had fallen asleep to the sweet heady musk of lotus buds…All I know is that I looked around and tried to find him and he was nowhere.
High tide mark among inch deep puddles
The truth of the situation is that mild paternalism is the same as mild libertarianism. We are absolved and self- absorned. we continue defending what does not warrant defense, never quite accepting the fact that the shore is just as much land as it water. I’m only as beautiful as my ugliest thought. I’m only…
PENSIVE GLOOM|26/09/2021
The originator of the heavens and the earth. When hee decrees a matter, He only says to it: “Be! ـ and it is.” Yet my friendship with God is tainted with a distance neither of us wish to trudge across, It’s a stubborn friendship where I refuse to accept his aid, forever at battle with…
14 JUNE 2021| MIDNIGHT WOES
It’s not that the well of all communication has dried or that there isn’t enough wood to light the hearth. It’s not that the world has stopped and the sky is too dry. It’s just that I’m not thirsty as often and not too cold either. And would you look at that? With things the…
29 January 2021 | Birthday girl
I could go on and on and on about how the day went, how it made me feel, what I eventually learned and how terribly grateful I am. But the moment has passed, taking with it the ingenuity that I need to write about it. But I don’t want to forget the day or the…
3 MARCH 2021 | ANCHOR
Maybe the reason I compulsive hold on to random things, to random junk is because I’m desperately trying to find something that’s mine to own. The reason I have heaps and heaps of feathers and herbs from that trip three years ago, dried leaves from that winter morning in the mountains, pressed flowers from when…
2 FEBURARY 2021|TORMENT
I try so hard to be the perfect person. To touch others with ingenuity and love. But I am deliberate destruction and the touch of chaos. Whenever I seem to make any progress, I fall back into the same old spiel of ego. My vile throat leaks poison and my fingers draw hatred into words….
16 January 2021 | Best self
I’m my best self when I fix the chain of cycle through lubricant and rust stained arms and broken nails, without once asking for assistance. I’m my best self when I force myself to brush and wash my face with ice cold water at the wee hours of morning because there’s no one I’m letting…
13 JANUARY 2021
What is this constant want for directions when I have no set destinations?
12 January 2021 |HOLD ON
My brother has it all figured out. In every fight, however big or small, no matter whose fault it is, however bad it hurts, he turns it into a violent hug and he holds as thight as his tiny frame allows and there’s nothing like a kid hugging you tight through his tears to make…
11 January 2021
I spent three hours planning a trip with a friend, what a exercise in futility. I think we both knew deep down that none of our dreamy eyed plans ever work but it still felt good acting like we have control over our own lives. Had some relatives over, brewed them tea, I forgot sugar…
There are times when everything is devoid of meaning. But then I recall, there’s something that brings me here time and again to share my thoughts to the unknown. and there’s something that brings you here to read them too. There has to be some rational meaning to life
It’s 8 January 2021,I’m almost in my last teens, but not yet, not just yet. There are twenty two days of eighteens at my disposal. Twenty two nights that come with more than opportunities to hold eighteen in the palm of my hands and stare it in the face with my strongest gaze.How am I…
19 October 2020 |Primrose dreams
My dreams are like evening primroses, they bloom at the dawns call. They flower like a surreal miracle. Then the mornings arise and I have to shove them into caskets and bury them in the very depths of the same heart that spent hours irrigating their roots. As if that’s not enough, I force myself…
15 October ’20 | Sending hope
In my world, mornings are the middle of the day, not the start. I wake up to a busy house with four others but god knows, we know how to create a scene. In my world the house is not made of rooms but feelings. Every door leads to another, it’s the catacombs of love…
10 October 2020
My brain is an excited bird trapped in limitations of its own. I’m yet to learn flight, but I reckon fluttering my wings and jumping around in attempts is enough at the moment.
3 October 2020 ||Blue
When the world is finally silent of it’s every ensuing chaos. And the minds takes over with it’s cacophonous blabbering; That’s when the demons expose their true selves. They don’t appear on breezy mornings, nor do the choose the jet packed evenings. These demons of grief appear at night. And the demand acknowledgement. It is…
Bloom || 25 September’ 20
All my life, I’ve chased perfection.Forever friendships, one true love, lifelong goals, same old favorite colors. And even when things looked meek, I’d tell myself, it’ll pass. That I just had to keep smiling, fake it till I become it.Brag about friendship that were never as strong as I tricked myself into believing. Boast about…
22 September | homie
So I tried writing a poem,On your silly dumbass self.But the pages soon caught dust,Like old antiques on the shelves.My mind soon grew cobwebs,And the ink had all dried.But your dumbass couldn’t be wrapped in words,No matter how hard I tried.So, I thought to myself at last,Let’s write from the very start.And I closed my…
21 September | you
I’ve already spent hours staring at the screen. I mean, I’d prefer to write on crisp pages instead on virtual notes, but I hate to have anything to do with my words once they leave me. And so, I do not wish to type all over again. But the funny things is, I’ve nothing to…
15 September 2020 | Somedays.
Some days it’s my ears that I want to break off and set aside for a while, just so I don’t have to listen to things that have long stopped making sense. Somedays it’s my eyes that I want to dispose off, no longer up for the mild mannered routine. Somedays it’s my heart.
Run | 11 September 2020
My ability to burn old Bridges and disappear astonish some of those closest to me. The bonds I make are threadbare and thin and I don’t think twice before breaking them in two. And I have no excuse to make, nor any regret, because, I know it well,that I am a cyclone waiting to happen,…
11 September 2020| lately
Lately, this thought has grabbed hold of me, what if we’re all just one person, living different lives in different time spans. What if you are your bully, your friend, your role model, what if you are the murderer on the front page of daily news, you are the famous blogger you can’t help but…
midnight hour
9 AUGUST, 2020 As my fingers float on the keyboard, fishing for words, I have to force myself to take a moment to recollect. Some days my mind turns into a coven of fleeting thoughts. I am not a self-proclaimed philosopher, nor do I fancy myself as someone extraordinary, but in the mind of my…
why am I not a man
this world wasn’t build for a woman even if it was build by one.
8 September 2020| Frog
A frog in the pond, No world of my own. I talk to the creepers, The pebbles are my songs. Solitude makes words echo, The only applaud, is my own. With every leap of faith, I see a place unknown. I’ve memorized each splash, Each sound’s a familiar tone. But I’m a frog in the…
7 September 2020
A frog in the pond, No world of my own.
7 September 2020
A frog in the pond, No world of my own.
6 September 2020| Tonight
Tonight it was raining hard and I’d most likely have gone to bed. But something made me skimmy through my stuff. And there I was, with a box of paints and an almost finished art file. As my world slept, I was up, outside, breathing the rain, painting the skies in the middle of the…
4 September 2020| outlet
What is it when you have so much love inside you begging to be let out? What is it when there’s so much determination looking for an outlet? What is this avalanche of passion inside me constantly on the look out for a vessel to channelize it? Why is my unrest mind whispering to me,…
1 September 2020 |Who are you?
Is there someone,Who longs for me?In ways of worshipOn nights full of reveries. Is there someoneWho aches for me?As words written to set freeWho is he that would give meA moment of his time,Not for complaints and coersionsAs a muse for his rhymeWho is he, I wonder, Who could fall for my rough edges? Who…
31 August 2020 | Fate
Fate looks like papery spiders. And it weaves a nest so dissonant. You and I can only stand afar and observe it’s callousness like inanimate orbs frozen into space. It’s sordid games and rude rebuttals scar us like defiant wake up calls. We float in its waves like an autumn leaf strung in high winds….
EUREKA 