Slow Trudge | 13 April ’22

Lazy mid-night, matted hair, tussled in an unruly bun right on the top of my head, haven’t had a dream in a long time. I am sitting on my bed, legs folded, back hunched, bangs obstructing my vision and tendrils of hair escaping without notice. Ideas surround me like a hurricane. My eyes hurt but…

There are conversations in my head that no one strikes. Words that get lost in the clamour of wordly things. I am willing to bend and twist and sculpt myself to make way for the world and the world won’t do the same for me. You can’t love me. You won’t. We are in adjacent…

WEEK 1 |

I’ll changing things a bit around here, refixing my narrative temporarily so to say. Simply put, some of my posts might not make any sense to people (not that they usually do but anyhow) but It is what it is what it is. So, it started a week back. And I had been waiting for…

Compromise | 6 Feb’22

I met a man. He had the face of my dreams. When he talked , I could hear words that were, until now, said only in my imagination. He had the same curves and symmetries I had always envisioned.He was handsome is silent ways, his face a rough sketch of delicate lines. Lines that looked…

Obligation | 1 Feb’22

These buildings hide generations worth of woes, the streets trampled under the heavy feets of dejected dreams and unfulfilled wishes. The sky dark with the last fumes of flames distinguished long before they could be called fires. Our hearts are no more hearts than empty guestrooms. Living someone else’s life as our own.Wherever we go,…

TWENTY| 29 JAN’22

Every year around this time, I write myself a letter, every year it’s more to the past then to the future. But this time around, I don’t want to look back. I want to keep nineteen at an arms length and forget it exists anymore than foreign air.Now, twenty in itself isn’t anything but a…

CLOSURE| 23 JAN’22

Burned all the bridges, severed all the ties. The roads have flooded and our vessel has a hole. Now I float above the abyss. The worlds gone quiet. You are next to me, looking away. Yet and still. You won’t speak and you can’t hear. Air: heavy as tar. Trees like skeletons portruding from the…

Let it rain| 10 January 2022

Tonight I’m alive in long list summers and forgotten childhood. The times of drenched hair and toothy smiles. Summers that were spent hopping roofs, making paperboats that are destined to sink and watching peacocks leave behind the weight of unruly feathers. Summers spent traversing old country trails and climbing trees. Summer of sixteen, cherry lips,…

profane- Ashe Vernon

 The first time he calls you holy,you laugh it back so hard your sides hurt.The second time,you moan gospel around his fingersbetween your teeth.He has always surprised you into surprising yourself.Because he’s an angel hiding his halobehind his back andnothing has ever felt so filthyas plucking the wings from his shoulders—undressing his softnessone feather at a…

Hello 2022 |

‌My own ignorance surprises me at times. How is it, that I knew the world at sixteen and nothing at twenty (well, almost twenty)? How is it that I dream less often, think more, care much less yet way more?‌I sit with things.I don’t will them away, write them away, sing them away, sleep them…

12 NOVEMBER 2021| A song without words.

I think long and hard about the particularities of joy. The paradigm shifts, things change and its always the same old spiel. But yesterday, as I stood in a queue at a local outlet, lined behind three others waiting in turn for the checkout counter, there stood an old man right behind me. The place…

04-11-2021 |ORISON

Last night as we sat down to pray, I couldn’t see god around. Maybe he was hiding in the seams of the rugged mats beneath us, or maybe he was hiding around the curvature of holy beads and flickering flames and maybe, just maybe, he had fallen asleep to the sweet heady musk of lotus buds…All I know is that I looked around and tried to find him and he was nowhere.

No one worth possessingCan be quite possessed;Lay that on your heart,My young angry dear;This truth, this hard and precious stone,Lay it on your hot cheek,Let it hide your tear.Hold it like a crystalWhen you are aloneAnd gaze in the depths of the icy stone. Long, look long and you will be blessed:No one worth possessingCan…

High tide mark among inch deep puddles

The truth of the situation is that mild paternalism is the same as mild libertarianism. We are absolved and self- absorned. we continue defending what does not warrant defense, never quite accepting the fact that the shore is just as much land as it water. I’m only as beautiful as my ugliest thought. I’m only…

PENSIVE GLOOM|26/09/2021

The originator of the heavens and the earth. When hee decrees a matter, He only says to it: “Be! ـ and it is.” Yet my friendship with God is tainted with a distance neither of us wish to trudge across, It’s a stubborn friendship where I refuse to accept his aid, forever at battle with…

Stay Gold, E

WHEN DOES LIFE BEGIN|20-09-2021

If you only knew the number of times, I fire up my ‘compose post’ tab, only to stare at the blank screen and eventually log out, you’d know that the absence of words is more lack of thoughts than lack of trying. The only concrete thought that consumes me lately is, ‘When does life begin?’…

I haven’t written here in a long while and now that I sit here, finally resolving to spin words, I have nothing useful to say. What do I speak of today? the unretiring traffic and how the noise emanating is so loud, so cacophonous, that my own thoughts have lost meaning or do I talk…

14 JUNE 2021| MIDNIGHT WOES

It’s not that the well of all communication has dried or that there isn’t enough wood to light the hearth. It’s not that the world has stopped and the sky is too dry. It’s just that I’m not thirsty as often and not too cold either. And would you look at that? With things the…

05 JUNE 2002|SILENCE

I have run out of words lately. Besides, all they seem to do is add to the noise. Why use so many if the deepest of feelings are conveyed through quietude. I am neutral, idiosyncratic, hollowed and at peace. So I offer to you the only thing I have to offer: Silence.

In my desperation, I recognize her.In my loneliness, I understand hers.It’s easy to go crazy when crazy feels like a better alternative to present. Not this time though.

29 January 2021 | Birthday girl

I could go on and on and on about how the day went, how it made me feel, what I eventually learned and how terribly grateful I am. But the moment has passed, taking with it the ingenuity that I need to write about it. But I don’t want to forget the day or the…

It was through words I found you. Through words, I reach you. And through words, I beg to keep you close.~Caroline Someone

3 MARCH 2021 | ANCHOR

Maybe the reason I compulsive hold on to random things, to random junk is because I’m desperately trying to find something that’s mine to own. The reason I have heaps and heaps of feathers and herbs from that trip three years ago, dried leaves from that winter morning in the mountains, pressed flowers from when…

2/8/2021 9:10 PM I don’t want to forget this moment

2 FEBURARY 2021|TORMENT

I try so hard to be the perfect person. To touch others with ingenuity and love. But I am deliberate destruction and the touch of chaos. Whenever I seem to make any progress, I fall back into the same old spiel of ego. My vile throat leaks poison and my fingers draw hatred into words….

16 January 2021 | Best self

I’m my best self when I fix the chain of cycle through lubricant and rust stained arms and broken nails, without once asking for assistance. I’m my best self when I force myself to brush and wash my face with ice cold water at the wee hours of morning because there’s no one I’m letting…

13 JANUARY 2021

What is this constant want for directions when I have no set destinations?

12 January 2021 |HOLD ON

My brother has it all figured out. In every fight, however big or small, no matter whose fault it is, however bad it hurts, he turns it into a violent hug and he holds as thight as his tiny frame allows and there’s nothing like a kid hugging you tight through his tears to make…

11 January 2021

I spent three hours planning a trip with a friend, what a exercise in futility. I think we both knew deep down that none of our dreamy eyed plans ever work but it still felt good acting like we have control over our own lives. Had some relatives over, brewed them tea, I forgot sugar…

Strange it is, how I compulsively overshare and yet no one manages to know anything about me

If I could just hope to change even a scrape of the world for the better, I’d do anything to do just that

There are times when everything is devoid of meaning. But then I recall, there’s something that brings me here time and again to share my thoughts to the unknown. and there’s something that brings you here to read them too. There has to be some rational meaning to life

It’s 8 January 2021,I’m almost in my last teens, but not yet, not just yet. There are twenty two days of eighteens at my disposal. Twenty two nights that come with more than opportunities to hold eighteen in the palm of my hands and stare it in the face with my strongest gaze.How am I…

forlorn | 22 December 2020 | eeks

You spit and stagger, Stumble and stand up; but at the end of the day your dreams are forlorn. and your attempts, however pious, are all ineffectual. It’s taking everything I have to hold on because god letting go seems such an easy choice right now.

Hurdles

Some personal hurdles had me looking up ‘why values are important’ today. And I found more answers in my heart than I did on the internet. Values aren’t a part of life, they are a way of life. And If you have no values, you have nothing. It can feel freeing for a while. It…

You Could Rattle the Stars. You Could Do Anything, If Only You Dared. And Deep Down, You Know It, Too. That’s what Scares You Most. -Sarah J Maas

“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some…

Don’t look for new ways to flee across the chessboard. Listen to hear checkmatespoken directly to you.—Rumi I look for any epiphany everywhere I go: In autumn leaves; In changing seasons; In empty vessels; In echoes; In the dark veils of night. I think and think and think some more until words are not words…

One who has a ‘why’ to live for can endure almost any ‘how’. – Friedrich Nietzsche

19 October 2020 |Primrose dreams

My dreams are like evening primroses, they bloom at the dawns call. They flower like a surreal miracle. Then the mornings arise and I have to shove them into caskets and bury them in the very depths of the same heart that spent hours irrigating their roots. As if that’s not enough, I force myself…

15 October ’20 | Sending hope

In my world, mornings are the middle of the day, not the start. I wake up to a busy house with four others but god knows, we know how to create a scene. In my world the house is not made of rooms but feelings. Every door leads to another, it’s the catacombs of love…

10 October 2020

My brain is an excited bird trapped in limitations of its own. I’m yet to learn flight, but I reckon fluttering my wings and jumping around in attempts is enough at the moment.

 For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, sees the dawn before the rest of the world. OSCAR WILDE, 1888

3 October 2020 ||Blue

When the world is finally silent of it’s every ensuing chaos. And the minds takes over with it’s cacophonous blabbering; That’s when the demons expose their true selves. They don’t appear on breezy mornings, nor do the choose the jet packed evenings. These demons of grief appear at night. And the demand acknowledgement. It is…

Bloom || 25 September’ 20

All my life, I’ve chased perfection.Forever friendships, one true love, lifelong goals, same old favorite colors. And even when things looked meek, I’d tell myself, it’ll pass. That I just had to keep smiling, fake it till I become it.Brag about friendship that were never as strong as I tricked myself into believing. Boast about…

23 September 2020 | Random

Should life really be a meadow when you so happen to desire a waterfall, an avalanche and a thunderstorm. Should life really be routine and repetitive when you want it to be random and rebellious. Why are the simplest things the hardest to find, like romance, joy and purpose.

22 September | homie

So I tried writing a poem,On your silly dumbass self.But the pages soon caught dust,Like old antiques on the shelves.My mind soon grew cobwebs,And the ink had all dried.But your dumbass couldn’t be wrapped in words,No matter how hard I tried.So, I thought to myself at last,Let’s write from the very start.And I closed my…

21 September | you

I’ve already spent hours staring at the screen. I mean, I’d prefer to write on crisp pages instead on virtual notes, but I hate to have anything to do with my words once they leave me. And so, I do not wish to type all over again. But the funny things is, I’ve nothing to…

Lies leave me feeling so dirty, no amount of cleaning can scrub it off.

15 September 2020 | Somedays.

Some days it’s my ears that I want to break off and set aside for a while, just so I don’t have to listen to things that have long stopped making sense. Somedays it’s my eyes that I want to dispose off, no longer up for the mild mannered routine. Somedays it’s my heart.

what I carry within me is too much idealism for one body, too much fire for one vessel

Run | 11 September 2020

My ability to burn old Bridges and disappear astonish some of those closest to me. The bonds I make are threadbare and thin and I don’t think twice before breaking them in two. And I have no excuse to make, nor any regret, because, I know it well,that I am a cyclone waiting to happen,…

11 September 2020| lately

Lately, this thought has grabbed hold of me, what if we’re all just one person, living different lives in different time spans. What if you are your bully, your friend, your role model, what if you are the murderer on the front page of daily news, you are the famous blogger you can’t help but…

midnight hour

9 AUGUST, 2020 As my fingers float on the keyboard, fishing for words, I have to force myself to take a moment to recollect. Some days my mind turns into a coven of fleeting thoughts. I am not a self-proclaimed philosopher, nor do I fancy myself as someone extraordinary, but in the mind of my…

midnight hour

9 AUGUST, 2020 As my fingers float on the keyboard, fishing for words, I have to force myself to take a moment to recollect. Some days my mind turns into a coven of fleeting thoughts. I am not a self-proclaimed philosopher, nor do I fancy myself as someone extraordinary, but in the mind of my…

8 September 2020| Frog

A frog in the pond, No world of my own. I talk to the creepers, The pebbles are my songs. Solitude makes words echo, The only applaud, is my own. With every leap of faith, I see a place unknown. I’ve memorized each splash, Each sound’s a familiar tone. But I’m a frog in the…

6 September 2020| Tonight

Tonight it was raining hard and I’d most likely have gone to bed. But something made me skimmy through my stuff. And there I was, with a box of paints and an almost finished art file. As my world slept, I was up, outside, breathing the rain, painting the skies in the middle of the…

I’m a bug about to be squished under the weight of life.

my mum is a shrine full of stories and my dad is the best storyteller I know.

4 September 2020| outlet

What is it when you have so much love inside you begging to be let out? What is it when there’s so much determination looking for an outlet? What is this avalanche of passion inside me constantly on the look out for a vessel to channelize it? Why is my unrest mind whispering to me,…

1 September 2020 |Who are you?

Is there someone,Who longs for me?In ways of worshipOn nights full of reveries. Is there someoneWho aches for me?As words written to set freeWho is he that would give meA moment of his time,Not for complaints and coersionsAs a muse for his rhymeWho is he, I wonder, Who could fall for my rough edges? Who…

31 August 2020 | Fate

Fate looks like papery spiders. And it weaves a nest so dissonant. You and I can only stand afar and observe it’s callousness like inanimate orbs frozen into space. It’s sordid games and rude rebuttals scar us like defiant wake up calls. We float in its waves like an autumn leaf strung in high winds….

29 AUGUST 2020

I have a stark clarity of what I don’t want in life and perhaps, that’s answer enough from the gods.

29 August 2020

The world works on absurd agendas, I am my own person and yet, I live by standards created long before my arrival. My hands itch to create. My fingers wish to birth worlds that would ease the pressure of pettiness. On magical moonlight evenings, I wish for time to come to a standstill. Somedays, my…

24 August 2020

Life is in cement cracks growing like little rebel dandelions, like a melody travelling miles, an echo shouting ‘I am here, I exist, I belong’, occupying space ready to take upon the world.

The brief of everything.

A fresh perspective and raw insights. A beautiful page spanning everything under the sky. Must follow! Check out ‘The brief of everything’ The brief of everything

16 August 2020 | courage

Dear diary, I stand on cross-roads knowing mighty well that a choice has to be made. One that I’ll have to make myself. But it is the knowledge that no matter what choice I make, I’ll have to give up all others, that is making my ribs collapse upon themselves. I can’t help but feel…

6 August 2020| life

The sky is a beautiful painting today, a canvas brought to life by a dreamy artist. To think that I’m witnessing this beauty, to think that I’m below this magnificence,  I must be really privileged. It’s moments like these when I’m most vulnerable and most honest with myself. Moments that distinguish my soul from my…

Want more | 6 August 2020

I just don’t like the mainstream life we all are set to live, the very idea of 5-9 job, two holidays a year (or less),  a psuedo happy wedding, maybe kids, it disappoints me beyond compare. That the idea of life we had as kids was a mere mirage the adults cooked and fed to…

4 August 2020

Some people are music, You only need a smink of their melody to set everything back right. Just a smink. An evening rhythm. As their voice steps down your throat into the cages of your ribs and fills you with warmth.

If my life was a song, it’d be ‘blow away’ a fine frenzy

29 July 2020

Bite my tongue, Still my hand Blue sea and skies, No sight of land.

28 July 2020 |

Dear diary, There seems just a little distance distinguishing self-sure from conceited. I find myself constantly treading on a fine line between aware and vain and I feel as though it is in my nature to be insatiable. Undeterred, unsatisfied, chaotic, constantly on a look out for the next best thing. I am what people…

why didn’t she? |

Why didn’t she fancy you?You can’t help but wonderBut lust is as fleeting as day,It comes with a timeline’s blunderSome people are more than just an ensemble,Not a pretty thing on displayTheir skin is just a cover,Hiding what miracles underlay.Why didn’t she see you before?What a sad question to chimeBecause a love like yours is…

Kargil diwas, 26 July 2020

Kargil, the land of victory!The crown of India is its decree.A hundred Indians rejoice,At the rich stories of it’s history.High mountains and snowy-peaks,Blood- ridden earth and corpse heaps.Rivers of red muddled with gloomWar scarred the land,Both green and blue.As warriors from our land,Walked hand in hand.A saga narrates, the shouts of ‘jai hind’As, all sects…

24 July 2020 | Blue

I watch the rain through a dew tainted car window. The cars look like a glowing mess of colors. Headlights shimmering like crazy magical sirens. The road are smeared with a layer of diamond studded gold. That shines like a miracle. The sky is dark blue and frankly, so is my heart. A little blue….

21 July 2020

Build a shrine out of fleeting feelings and pray to whoever holds the leash. Don’t let go. Don’t loose grip. Don’t abandon me. Keep me in control. Soak in rain, never drown. Bask in sun, never burn. Live, but not too much.

It’s absurd how hard we try to be the incorrect interpretation of ourselves we derived as a kid

15 July 2020

Separated by eons of time and space, you and I, we are one and we’re still two different people. One of these days, I’ll take your advice. I’ll wake up before the sun rises, I’ll go out, in the dark… And I’ll run. So fast, I leave behind the winds, So swift, I leave behind…

Criminal

Please talk of romanticism like it’s a crime, But in a world that istrying so hard to numb you, to turn you deaf to the sunsets and blindto the music. It is no short of a rebellion to feel. To dance with thewinds and watch rhythms move through the air, to have a littlesave-the-world in…

3 July 20

I’m afraid, If I don’t make a choice, a choice will be made for me. But I’m not sure what to choose

Miracles

17 June 2020

You belong among the wildflowers. You belong somewhere you feel free. 🎶 They say the world is ending on 21st, well I wouldn’t have a regret because it’s been a wholesome journey. I wish on the last of my days, I’m surrounded by my family. Laughing at the poorest of my brother’s jokes and cackling…

15 June 2020

First to forget. First to apologize. Doormat. Ready to be trampled. Ready to walked all over. Filled with meaningless servitude and unnecessary devotion. Most women in my life. I beg to differ. I aspire to break free from all these roles. To explode in a million stars and just disperse. Away. From fear. From need….

Nothing planned ever works quite like impromptu living

13 June 2020

‘Birds born in a cage, see flying as an illness’ Dream. Wreck it. Create hurricanes. Spend nights awake and days fantasizing. Wringe every ounce of meaning out of the days. create. Discover. Envision. A life half lived, is a searing wound festering till it rots away in offense The roots of my being lie in…

12,june 2020

So this human, he talks of the universe like his second home. he’s got his views sorted. Knows everything there is to know. He comes and goes as he pleases (much to my disappointment). He’s punk rock and mellow melodies. (And so much more) A little obsessed with details and death. But for someone who…

The sky is a graveyard of stars How I wish, to mourn forever.

Right company can be life changing.

Right company can be life changing.

Start

It’s scary to start and worse to imagine staying the same

Start

It’s scary to start and worse to imagine staying the same

In my cocoon for a while longer

In my cocoon for a while longer